Primary Military Specialty: Assassin (bornagainst) wrote,
Primary Military Specialty: Assassin

  • Music:

see you after the world

I really don't know how to explain whats going on in my life. Doors are closing that I don't want to shut. I'm losing my girlfriend and I can't seem to find anything to grasp onto as I fall. Right before she came to stay with me I found out she cheated on me. I guess I always wanted to believe our relationship was based on some kind of "true love" like in the princess bride. A type of love that would get us through the hardest of times and bond us even tighter when it was all through and nothing stood in our way. I guess it was a good innocent way of thinking of our future. Deep down though I knew that it probably be some mad fucking good luck if we managed to wade through all the shit the distance caused and come out clean in the end. So the truth is I can't really blame her, and I told her so. If nothing else I just want her to be happy... But did I feel sad, heartbreaken sorrow, and all that other gut wrenching shit? Ya it fucking hurt so bad... but then it was only a couple days until I got to see her again, this huge event I had been dreaming about ever since I knew I had those kind of feelings for her. So, I just let it all go white, swept it under the carpet...

Well she came... and I ended up feeling like a dick. I don't know why really... things were just off... maybe her heart wasn't really into it once she saw me... I don't know. Maybe my heart is still fucking hurt and no matter how much the rest of my body screams not to show it somehow it burns a hole right through me and currpts everything... whatever it is, I wish I could take it all back and do it again... Id really like to get it right... but maybe I just cant... its a 50/50 thing... both our hearts have to be into it... if not it just not fun, and if anything I want our relationship to be fun, and I want her to feel loved...

bla okay I've ranted enough... I just wish I didn't feel like such a fucking asshole...

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

bobby seriously dont feel like a dick you cant be an asshole for being hurt. she is a sweet girl i liked her but she did a bad thing she knows it you know it i know it. do you remember a couple years ago you telling me about josh magwood and how once a cheat always a cheat and how me crying over him and me longing to be with him again is just begging to get hurt again same situation sweetheart..... i dont want you hurt. ive never seen you hurt. i know this sucks and it hurts alot ALOT unfortunantly thats love. and love hurts. i guess thats the rule anyway call me if you need someone to talk to i love you xoxoxoxoxo

p.s we need to go out for icecream and you need a good ass kicking and a throwin in the pool for old times sake!
ice cream + asskicking, sounds like goodtimes. Seriously I dont know what I'm thinking, so confused on whats gonna happen... I guess I probably am pulling a josh magwood :(
oh bob-o oh bob-o how i love you so! i just thought of something else. we need to have a emily and bobby day like we did back in the day like chill out watch goonies, top gun, or (gag) rad :o) and you make me tomato and noodles soup :o)!!!! awww we were such bestest friends we totally need to chill again i miss you times a trillion. ill tickle you until youre not sad anymore xoxoxoxoxoxo em

p.s remember you ARE the first person i ever ate dennys with.
oh bobby! there is nooooo reason for you to feel like a dick. i cant even begin to imagine the pain you could have felt ...if john cheated on me i would feel like i wasnt that special to him cause if you love someone as muh as you dsay you dont even want to even think about anyone else like that. and i cant believe she cheated on you. thats not good. i think that ruins a lot in a realationship if its even still alive afterwards...its not really alive anymore. cause theres always that thought even if it was in the back of the mind. it will always be there and if i were you it would be killing me. i think you just dont wanna believe it. its fuckin insanly hard and im so sorry that that happened to you. you dont deserve that. do not feel like a dick. dont let her overpower you like that. and come draw big tittie mommas on my arm. :)
I think you're right Chloe... and that makes me sad...

On the other hand, mad <3 for chloe & katy.


I know that this is shitty advice... but remember that everything happens for a reason. I too had a relationship across the country, found on the computer and mostly taking place on the computer (phone... mostly... California is a long way from NY). This spring... finally 5 years later.. I met the person. I realize now.. he had his own life and not just our life in Stockton. It was the hardest thing to face.. hurt like a bitch. I know that our situations are different. But sometimes I think that all hurt is the same. I hope that things go better for you... someday you will find "princess bride love"-- I promise!
I wish I wasn't so confused about things right now, but its helpful to hear from other people that have gone through the same thing... I just wish I knew what to do, I really put everything in her court, and everything is still up in the air... I'm not so sure that was the best idea now. I have feelings too that go both ways... I feel like I'm being wrong to myself kinda... I just feel like I've invested so much, given so much, love and stuff I never knew I could feel, it's hard to let go... She's the one that decided she wanted to make it work, then she got here and it seemed like I was the only one trying :( Hmm guess it'll be figured out before she leaves in a couple weeks... buh anyways Shawna you're great, lotsa <3

I hope that things are going better.. I know that it is going to be hard either way when she leaves. Just remember that love is a door that is supposed to swing both ways. Dont let her hurt you...If you feel its worth it dont let anybody get in your way... but watch your heart..... they break way to easy and they are hard to fix!
Bobby, it's fine to feel like a dick. it's usually how some would feel after something like this. I know that you guys has a hard time with the long distance thing. But I don't know, things happen for a reason. I think Chris kissed her, but that's still no excuse. I hope it wasn't too bad of a visit and I hope you liked your b-day present. I know she worked really hard on it. okay. well that's all. Feel better
Thanks Lex :) and ya my birthday present kicked fucking ass, it was great